you know those days when you call your best friend who is dating your best friend during a break at school only to find out that they’re going to the movie that you’ve been drooling over for the past three months? and you’re not invited because you’ll be in class? and they’re taking your family and all of your other friends? but you brush it off because these are your friends, right? you care about them. and it’s just a movie, after all. so you make plans to hang out because you get back from school the same time as their movie is over and the theatre is right next to your bus stop. they’ll just come pick you up. and everyone’s happy and excited and you get through class and make it home and you call, but no one answers, so you just suppose that the movie isn’t quite over yet.
and then you wait.
and then you call again.
and wait some more, and call again.
and then your mom and sister walk in the door and tell you that they’ve been out of the theatre for an hour. so you call a couple more times.
and then finally you get an answer. they’re already back on the other side of town. having a battlefield party that you planned. they completely forgot about you. you just completely slipped all of your best friends’ minds. and they’re so sorry. they feel so bad. but they can’t come get you, no one has a car with gas or any extra money.
so you stay home. and it’s mostly okay; you’ve been forgotten before. plenty of times. so you decide to call up your comfort. the one person who always can make you feel better.
And then it hits you. You did the same thing to him a little more than a week ago. Worse because you didn’t forget. You chose to leave him behind. And you told him so. And now you don’t have him anymore. You destroyed that. On purpose. And you’re so sorry. But this apology can’t mean anything. Because it won’t change anything. So you just sit there with the miserable recognition that you deserve this. You deserve to be forgotten and left behind and shunted. Because you did worse to the one person you truly loved.
Fuck those days.